Why Is Change So Hard?

Discover the Secret to Moving Forward

Think about those times when you’re chatting with friends about your dreams and goals. It’s easy to get swept up, imagining all the things you want to accomplish and how different life could be. In those moments, anything feels possible, and there’s this surge of excitement and hope. But then, when it’s time to actually start taking steps, something shifts. Suddenly, you find yourself hesitating—coming up with reasons like, ‘Today’s not the best day,’ or, ‘I’ll start once I get that other thing done.’ Deep down, we all know there will never be a ‘perfect’ time, but it can feel so hard to get going.

When faced with change this is what happens in your brain:

Our brains are wired for survival, which means they are highly attuned to potential threats in the environment. While this was a valuable trait for early humans who had to be constantly vigilant against physical dangers, in modern life, this wiring can work against us when facing non-life-threatening situations—like taking on a new challenge in surfing or personal growth.

The Comfort of Familiarity

The brain seeks familiarity because familiar situations and routines mean safety, certainty, and predictability. When we know what to expect, our nervous system remains calm, and we feel in control. Change, on the other hand, introduces uncertainty and forces us to step out of our comfort zones. When faced with uncertainty, the amygdala can activate the fight-or-flight response, releasing stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. This reaction is useful in true emergencies, but when triggered by unfamiliar situations or new goals, it can make us overestimate risks and talk ourselves out of moving through it to pursue growth. Even if the change is positive, the brain perceives it as a potential threat, leading to feelings of anxiety, stress, and a reluctance to act.

Surfing and Fear of the Unknown

In the context of surfing, the fear of the unknown can manifest as anxiety about unfamiliar waves, new surf spots, or bigger challenges. Because the ocean is constantly changing, it inherently embodies unpredictability, which can amplify fears. This leads to a tendency to stay within safe, predictable surfing conditions, even if it prevents skill growth or greater enjoyment. This is perhaps why surfing can be so challenging but on the other hand also why it’s so exciting and rewarding.

Identity and Ego Protection

On a deeper level, change can feel like a threat to our sense of identity. The ego is deeply attached to our current self-image and abilities, and it will defend this identity, even if it means staying in a “safe” but limiting mindset. …or even in a directly toxic or destructive situation. Tha’s how powerful the ego is. This is why trying to be a “different” version of yourself (a more courageous surfer, for instance) can feel very unnatural or scary. It can feel akin to breaking up with yourself. Because partly, changing means leaving aspects of you behind.  Our sense of who we are is, in part, tied to the behaviors and thoughts we repeat, so challenging those patterns requires us to rethink who we believe ourselves to be. In that process of moving from one sense of being to another a feeling of being lost and unsafe can occur and this is very unsettling. Making it very easy to just revert back to the safety of the “known self”

How to Work with the Brain’s Fear of the Unknown

Understanding the brain’s natural aversion to change is the first step toward managing it. Through techniques like mindfulness, self-compassion, and nervous system regulation, we can help calm the amygdala’s response and build tolerance for uncertainty. By gradually exposing ourselves to new experiences and reframing the brain’s negativity bias, we can start to rewire our neural pathways to be more adaptable and less fearful of what’s unknown.

Here is what to do to help you choose to change over familiar comfort

Journaling: Writing about your surfing experiences—particularly moments when you feel blocked—can help uncover the root causes of resistance. Do you fear failure, criticism, or injury? Is there a pattern that emerges when you try new things? Journaling can reveal hidden beliefs and emotions that influence your actions and resistance, allowing you to address them directly.

Practicing Surf-Specific Self-Awareness: Notice when you avoid certain waves or techniques. Is the avoidance coming from a rational assessment of your skills or a deeper fear of failure? Recognizing this can help you differentiate between legitimate caution and irrational resistance, guiding you toward the right steps for growth.

Embracing Vulnerability: Being vulnerable—whether by trying something new or admitting a fear or limitation—opens the door to growth. Vulnerability is often misunderstood as weakness, but in truth, it’s the courage to show up, try again, and learn through discomfort. Surfing itself is inherently vulnerable: you’re exposed to the elements and the possibility of failure with every wave. By accepting that vulnerability is part of the process, we free ourselves from the fear of failure and allow ourselves to grow.

Daily Consistency: Change is made more achievable when approached with consistency, even if the steps are small. Make it a habit to practice your goals every day or several times a week. In surfing, consistency might mean taking time each day to practice visualization, stretching, or going through your technique in the water. Over time, these small, consistent efforts compound into significant growth. Consistency is about how you show up on the days you’d rather not. If you do something small even on these days you will see so much growth, not just towards your goal but withing yourself as well.

Track and Celebrate Progress: Acknowledge each milestone you achieve, however small. Logging your progress in a journal or reflecting on how you’ve moved beyond previous comfort zones reinforces a positive feedback loop, making further growth feel attainable.

Shifting Your Inner Dialogue: Pay attention to your inner dialogue. Replace limiting self-statements like, “I’ll never be able to do this,” with affirmations like, “I’m getting stronger with each attempt.” This simple shift in language can influence your behavior and boost your resilience.

Visualize Positive Outcomes: Imagining yourself successfully riding a challenging wave or facing a difficult situation with confidence helps create a mental blueprint for success. Visualization activates the same neural pathways as physical practice, building confidence and motivation before you even face the actual challenge.

Focus on Effort, Not Just Results: In a growth-oriented mindset, effort is celebrated just as much as results. In surfing, this might look like acknowledging the effort it takes to get back on the board after a wipeout, instead of focusing solely on whether you surfed perfectly. By valuing effort over immediate success, you open yourself to the idea that growth comes from persistent action, even when results aren’t instant.

Change is challenging because it involves a fundamental shift away from what is known, familiar, and comfortable. This is why understanding and respecting your mind’s natural resistance is essential. The brain’s resistance to change is not a sign of weakness or a lack of willpower but rather a deeply ingrained mechanism for survival.

By using mindful, intentional practices like journaling, celebrating small wins, and maintaining consistent, gentle efforts, you can start to work with your mind instead of against it. In surfing, as in life, embracing the unknown, pushing past comfort zones, and recognizing growth—even in the small, daily steps—become powerful tools for transformation.

Ultimately, the journey of change invites you to become the version of yourself that you aspire to be, facing each wave of resistance as an opportunity to grow and rediscover your resilience. The key is persistence and self-compassion; change isn’t about transforming overnight but about allowing yourself to evolve one step at a time.

// Lisa Davidsson, Surf Psychologist & Therapist