You Get Worse Before You Get Better

A few weeks ago, I began working with a new surf coach and quickly became aware of how I need to adjust my stance and weight distribution. When I was back in the water after that first session, I immediately felt the benefit of making those changes. Yet now, as I focus on these adjustments, I surf less smoothly than before. I succeed at times, but I also feel more unstable I don’t surf as well it feels like, things that I’m not even trying to change I execute more poorly. Possibly because my attention is so narrowly fixated on this one change. I’m falling more often, and my sessions feel less intrinsically rewarding, in terms of joy, flow, and that effortless ‘sweet spot’, even though I know this work is worthwhile.

This experience is so vivid for me right now that it reminds me of the early stages my clients face when they begin therapy. Reaching out for help can trigger a similar dip: just when you expect relief, you might feel more unsettled. That disheartening dip is exactly why I decided to write this article: to explain what happens in our minds during this phase of change, and why it feels so challenging.

What Happens When We Start Something New

Whenever we do something differently, whether it’s tweaking our surf stance or changing habits in life, our system reacts. Often, things get worse before they get better. You feel less confident, less stable, and uncertain of yourself. The natural response is to think: “Maybe this was a mistake.”

But this discomfort is actually a normal, predictable stage of the change process, known as the Conscious Incompetence phase of the Conscious Competence Model. At this stage, you recognize what isn’t working, but you haven’t yet mastered the new approach. Consequently, you might perform or feel worse than before, even though you’re on the right path. Without understanding this phenomenon, it’s easy to doubt the change or wonder if you should revert to familiar ways.

For me, the certainty that adjusting my stance will lead to progress helps me persist, even when I haven’t mastered it yet. But not everyone has that immediate clarity. Often, we must trust the process without a guaranteed payoff in each session.

When You Start Therapy

Deep inner work can feel overwhelming at first. As you begin to notice emotions and patterns you once numbed or avoided, you may feel more unsettled, not less. You start to see the beliefs, fears, and wounds that shaped your experience without your conscious awareness. Psychodynamic theory describes this as the surfacing of unconscious material; beliefs, fears, and wounds that have guided you in hidden ways.

This process can be painful. It may involve grieving: mourning the realization that you’ve played a role in creating your own discomfort, and that old patterns have kept you from what you truly want. That realization can feel very heavy and unsettling.

The Tension of the In-Between

In psychology, there’s a concept called the Liminal Space, the phase between no longer being who you were and not yet being who you’re becoming. Everything feels uncertain, and you may feel lost or vulnerable. Yet this space is necessary: it’s where transformation occurs.

Because the liminal space can feel disorienting, it’s often safer to do this work with a coach or therapist you trust. Without guidance, you might get stuck or retreat to familiar, but limiting, patterns. A strong sense of self can help navigate this uncertainty, but that sense of self often develops through prior inner work.

Change Is Uncomfortable

Humans naturally seek stability and security; change threatens both. Stepping into the unknown signals a threat to your nervous system, triggering heightened vigilance rather than relaxation. Several factors amplify this discomfort:

Cognitive Dissonance: Change often creates contradictions between how you see yourself and how you behave. For example, “I’m a good surfer” versus “I’m falling more now.” This dissonance is uncomfortable, so you might feel tempted to revert to the old way to relieve it. The greater the dissonance, the stronger the pull to give up.

Ego and the Status Quo: The ego wants to protect your sense of self and maintain the status quo. Even if the change promises a healthier, happier self, the ego resists. It may rationalize why you don’t need to change, avoid sessions or practice, or unconsciously sabotage progress (e.g., “getting sick” at inconvenient times). Be aware that these defenses feel much easier than the discomfort of change, as they also often operate below conscious awareness. …and this is why changing on a core level is so exceptionally hard.

Staying with the Process

The hardest part of change isn’t the new skill or insight—it’s managing the emotional fallout of that in-between phase.

When you alter your surf stance, you’re reprogramming neural pathways, muscle memory, and possibly how you see yourself as a surfer. In deep inner work, you’re not just “fixing a problem,” you’re reshaping beliefs about yourself, your worth, and your place in the world. That can feel scary.

Strategies for Staying Committed:

• Anticipate the Dip: Knowing that the initial struggles are normal helps you persist. Remind yourself that early setbacks are signs you’re doing real work, not failing.
• Break It into Small Steps: Focus on micro-adjustments rather than a complete overhaul. In surfing, concentrate on one aspect of stance for a few waves; in therapy, tackle one insight or emotion at a time.
• Use Mindful Awareness and Self-Compassion: Notice resistance or self-criticism and respond kindly: “This is hard, but it makes sense to feel uneasy. I’m here with you.”
• Gather Objective Feedback: Record your surf sessions to see genuine progress over time, and track mood or behavior patterns in therapy to recognize shifts that might not feel obvious day-to-day.
• Lean on Support: Work with a trusted coach or therapist, and share your journey with supportive peers. External guidance and accountability normalize the process and lighten the load.
• Reflect and Integrate: After sessions, journal or meditate on what you noticed: where you resisted, what felt different, what small wins occurred. Reflection helps internalize new patterns.
• Calm the Nervous System: Use breathwork or grounding exercises when anxiety peaks, creating space for learning rather than defence.
• Celebrate Small Victories: Even slight improvements or moments when you face discomfort are wins. Recognizing them weakens the ego’s narrative that “nothing is working.”

Final Thought: Trust the Dip

Whether in therapy or retraining your surfing, that dip is not the end—it’s evidence you’re on the right track. Those uncomfortable moments and mistakes are not failures but feedback guiding you forward. The discomfort is temporary. Stick with it, trust the process, and you will emerge stronger, more skilled, and more self-aware—both in the water and in life.

Do You Want to Start the Change?

If you’re struggling with fear, hesitation, or frustration in your surfing, coaching by me can help support you through changing those things.

If you’re ready to unlock your full potential in the water, let’s talk.

Book a Free Consultation

// Lisa Davidsson, Surf Psychologist & Hypnotherapist