Ride Your Own Wave: How to Deal with Surf Envy
Surf Psychology On Comparison, Envy, and Surfing
Comparison is a fairly natural human reflex. We seem to have a need to know where we stand in relation to others. In psychology there are plenty of different theories on this, social comparison and then we can talk about upwards comparison as well as downward comparison. There’s also plenty of studies on how comparison impact performance but maybe more importantly how it impacts mental health. …and with the birth of social media that issue is perhaps even more acute.
To sum it up, comparison can be motivating. It can help you see ways to improve yourself and in a way show that it is possible. That would be benign comparison. …it can however be more destructive and that is when it leads either to envy, where it’s not so much wishing you had something as wishing someone else didn’t have it. Or it can turn inward, feeding self-hatred, depression, and disconnection from the joy of what you’re doing.
Comparison can shrink the joy of surfing to a scoreboard. It can become about who gets more waves, who surf them better rather than who is enjoying themselves more. Comparison easily becomes about where you think you rank. And if it grows into envy, it can quietly turn what should be admiration and inspiration into bitterness. …and that seeps into your life and makes it a whole lot heavier than it needs to be.
The question is how to relate to these things. Because if we want to get better at something comparison is a great tool. We just don’t want to misuse that tool and let it become a weapon turned against others or ourselves.
I look at this the same way I look at love, which is that we need both unconditional love and conditional love for ourselves.
Unconditional love is knowing that you are enough exactly as you are. It’s the solid ground that holds your sense of identity and worth through failures, misfortunes, and other people’s opinions. It’s what allows you to celebrate someone else’s success without feeling like it diminishes yours.
Conditional love is the part that calls you to a higher standard, holds you accountable. It’s what asks you to show up better, take responsibility for mistakes, and keep learning. Without it, growth stalls.
But if conditional love exists without the unconditional, you risk eroding your sense of self, feeling that your value is tied only to performance. And if you have only unconditional love without the conditional, you risk entitlement and stagnation.
How to Use Comparison as a Tool not a Trap
- “If they can do it so can I” – take inspiration in others and let them show you what is possible.
- Compare yourself to yourself. Measure growth against your own past. No one else has walked your path, faced your challenges, or overcome your obstacles in the way you have.
- Celebrate others’ success! The seats at the table of success are not limited. Someone else surfing brilliantly and doesn’t dimmish your potential or make it any less likely for you to surf the same .
- Celebrate your own success! Shine your light and be happy about what you accomplish. Be proud, you earned it. Just as other people’s success doesn’t dimmish yours, your joy in your accomplishments is not a critique of anyone else.
- Let comparison be a clue. If you find yourself comparing unnecessarily, ask what it’s pointing to. Let it be a clue pointing you towards where there is more work to be done.
The key to being able to use comparison as a tool and not a weapon is the unconditional love for the self. Also called self-esteem. When we know who we are and that we have an unshakable intrinsic value, comparison helps you do and be better. Something we should all strive for, not necessarily in surf but surely in life. If we love surfing and we enjoy our time out there that is always enough.
Self Reflections
Here are some self-reflection prompts, designed to dig beneath the surface and get to the root of how it shows up for you, in surfing, in life, or both:
- When was the last time I caught myself comparing? What triggered it?
- How does comparison change the way I view my own progress?
- What daily or weekly ritual could help me refocus on my own growth?
Do you constantly compare yourself and need help breaking that habit?
Comparing yourself to others can be a nasty cycle to get into. It makes you feel bad about yourself and to get rid of that bad feeling you again use comparison to make you feel better, perpetuating the behavior that made you feel like shit in the first place.
If you’re ready to break the cycle and unlock your full potential in the water, let’s talk.
// Lisa Davidsson, Surf Psychologist & Hypnotherapist
Lisa Davidsson
Psychologist & Hypnotherapist
I am a psychologist and Hypnotherapist from Sweden with nearly two decades of experience in the field of psychology and mental health. While I discovered surfing rather late in life, it has since, seeped into almost every aspect of it. In 2016 I relocated to Bali and gradually redirected my therapy work towards working with surfers.
In essence, what I do helps surfers catch more waves and to overcome mental barriers hindering their progress to the next level. Weather it is through getting over surf and water related fears, healing previous trauma, or working through mindset related obstacles. Surfing, being a high-stakes sport, not only poses physical challenges but also mental and emotional ones. As you reach a certain level in your surf you will be faced with internal challenges. I help surfers identify the root cause of those challenges and help them work through it.