How to Overcome the Inner Critic

Building Self-Compassion and Confidence in the Line-up

I’ve always been hard on myself.

For most of my life, I believed my value came from performing well,  academically, professionally, physically. Nothing ever felt good enough for very long.

Eventually, that constant pressure led to burnout, anxiety, and a deep realization: my self-worth had become tied to performance.

A few years later, I started surfing… and those same patterns quietly followed me into the water.

Surfing became about being tough and strong

I started surfing a few years after my burnout, and as I was still on this journey, my old patterns of being overly critical resurfaced—this time in the water. It was more subtle, so it took me longer to notice. I’d feel angry or disappointed after bad surf sessions or frustrated when the conditions weren’t ideal.

Eventually, surfing began to feel heavy, no longer the carefree escape it once was.

It took time to realize that my inner critic was at work again, telling me I had to meet an arbitrary standard. For me, that standard wasn’t about surfing well or looking a certain way—it was about being “tough.” I believed I had to charge every wave, no matter what.

Accepting my fear and vulnerability felt impossible because I had spent all my life pretending, I wasn’t those things. So whenever I hesitated on a wave or felt scared in bigger conditions, I judged myself harshly. And naturally, I started avoiding the situations that triggered those feelings.

I stopped pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone and avoided certain spots or conditions. This only created more frustration because avoiding challenges meant I wasn’t “tough”—a vicious cycle.

My self-worth had become tied to how tough I was in the water, as if every wave I hesitated on chipped away at my value as a person.

The inner critic wasn’t just impacting my surfing, it was shaping how I related to myself.

The Turning Point: Learning to Accept Myself

At some point, I realized I had to change.  The key for me was that it had started to become clear that the toughness was actually the very thing that kept me from getting what I wanted.

When I finally allowed myself to feel the fear it began to fade. Being vulnerable enriched my life in ways I had never imagined. It opened up the door to love and connection in my life.

This transformation didn’t happen overnight. I had to actively shift my mindset away from needing to be tough and toward simply enjoying the experience of surfing. I began celebrating small victories: acknowledging when I felt scared, appreciating the fact that I tried, and valuing the beauty of being in the water and nature. Embracing play rather than performance if you will.

One of the most profound lessons I learned was that my self-worth, my ability to be loved and accepted, was not tied to how tough I was. Separating my performance in surfing from my value as a person was crucial. Instead of measuring my worth by how fearless I was, I started valuing my effort and resilience.

I still want to challenge myself, to learn to surf bigger, steeper, and faster waves. But I no longer hate or reject myself on the days I don’t. I’ve come to see that true strength lies in embracing all sides of myself, the tough, the soft, the beautiful, and the flawed.

Some things you can do to help yourself make a similar shift:

Understand what your inner voice is trying to achieve

That harsh inner voice is there because a part of you belives that’s the only way of getting what you want. Feel into what is actually underneath. It’s usually one of four things; Love / Acceptance / Inclusion / Autonomy (Authenticity)

Practice Gratitude

 The fastes way to feeling better is to start appreciating what you have instead of being upset about what you don’t have. Remeber that you are a surfer, that is a huge privilege in itself. 

Let the ocean be a source of joy rather than judgment.

Surfing is a deeply personal and beautiful journey. It’s not about proving anything, it’s about showing up and embracing each moment. Let the ocean be a source of joy rather than judgment. I hope these reflections and exercises inspire you to approach your own surfing journey with more kindness and self-compassion. You are great, just as you are!

If this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone in this experience.

Learning to separate self-worth from performance is one of the deepest and most transformative parts of surfing and something I work closely with surfers on through coaching, therapy and surf psychology.

If you’d like support with this side of surfing, feel free to reach out or book a free consultation.

// Lisa Davidsson, Surf Psychologist & Therapist