To illustrate what to expect from a hypnotherapy session with me I have created this example. It’s based on my knowledge both as a psychologist and my experiences as a hypnotherapist. A standard hypnotherapy session with me is 3h long. Don’t worry, it wont feel like it because most of that is in hypnosis. Each session has three parts to it, a pre-talk portion, the hypnosis portion and then a post-talk. I will go through each part of the session in as much detail as my professional integrity allows.

What I know before I meet the client

Client A reaches out to me because A can’t make any romantic relationships work and wants my help. A is tired of being single and feeling like a failure in the romantic department.
I don’t need to know more than this but of course however much detail the client shares before the session the better I can prepare.

Part 1- Pre-talk

The first thing we do in a hypnotherapy session is to define the problem. This is a conscious conversation that involves a lot of questions regarding client A’s background as well as the history of the issue A comes to see me for.  It is important to note that we can only heal ourselves and change behaviours that we are in control of ourselves. Whether that is starting to choose different partners or showing up differently in a relationship, or potentially both are examples of what I and A would explore during the pre-talk portion of the session.

Say that the pre-talk has come to define the issue as primarily being an issue of choosing emotionally unavailable partners. This is still too wide of a topic for us get to a root cause. We will continue to dig deeper into the issue. Next step is then to figure out what drives the desire/attraction towards an emotionally unavailable partner. This can of course be a few different things as well as a mix of things and will encompass a dynamic unique to each client. For the sake of this example I will give you some potential reasons.

• Emotional intimacy scares A because that means A needs to be vulnerable hence A subconsciously choose someone who is not emotionally available in order to avoid that.
• A grew up with emotionally unavailable parents and subconsciously A is still seeking the love of that unavailable parent. Hence A is attracted to partners who mimic this dynamic because 1, it’s what’s comfortable and familiar to A and 2, A hope to finally win the love of that parent.
• A is scared of being abandoned/dumped/left and if A choose relationships/partners that A knows will never work then A will never have to actually risk being hurt.

It’s possible that all these examples are relevant to a varying degree. For the best result I advise the client to pick the reason that stirs the most emotions. However, with either of these we are likely close enough to the issue at hand and we can proceed to define the feeling attached to the issue. In this example the thought of emotional intimacy is what stirs the most emotions in client A. We have actually already defined the feeling in this case and it’s fear. I usually ask for a few more words from the client to describe what exactly happens in them when imagining being confronted with, in this case, having to be vulnerable. The pre-talk portion is concluded when we have formulated the statement that in hypnosis will guide us to the root cause. In this example our statement is, “the feeling of fear when I have to open up and be vulnerable”.

Part 2 – Hypnosis

The next part of the session is the hypnotherapy portion. A will be guided into a deep state of relaxation. A will be conscious the whole time and we will be in continuous conversation throughout. After having induced a state of hypnosis I will ask A’s subconscious to bring us to the first time A ever experienced “the feeling of fear when I have to open up and be vulnerable”. Because the subconscious holds all information and everything A has ever experienced we can in a state of hypnosis bring this up very easily. A memory or scenario will start to unfold, the root cause, and we will together start to understand the dynamic and programming that was created at this moment. It’s this programming that fully or partially drives the behaviour of A choosing emotionally unavailable partners.  As mentioned before there can be several things that drives this behaviour, and they are not necessarily all rooted in the same root cause. Hence a few sessions are likely needed to fully resolve an issue.

When we have an understanding of the dynamics that are playing out in the memory/scenario it’s likely that a lot of emotions come up. We call this an abreaction. It’s probably not any old situation that has caused such a strong programming in A. It’s likely to be an incident that caused A to be emotionally overwhelmed and made A’s nervous system go shouting “danger danger”. Essentially putting A in fight or flight mode.  To heal the root cause and resolve the programming we need to release all of the emotions that come up. This requires A to feel and experience all the emotions that were not properly processed at the time and/or the compilation of all the unprocessed emotions from similar situations. In other words, there will be a lot of emotions to process and feel. Here it’s up to the A to be brave and to not hold back. A need to trust me as a therapist and that I can hold space and receive all of this out poor.

When all the emotions have been released and processed, we can start to work on the understanding of the situation and the underlying dynamics.  A can now start healing through experiencing and showing compassion towards him-/herself and the other people involved (usually parents/partners/siblings or early childhood peers) and ultimately forgive, when appropriate. This is all done with the help of specific hypnotherapeutic practices.

When the healing has occurred, A will already have experienced being a new happier/more balanced/stronger/more secure sense of self. Through that new sense of self, A will be prompted to reprogram him-/herself by reliving the scenario through the newfound version of self. A will guide him-/herself through the scenario to a new more desirable outcome. Because this is happening in hypnosis it’s akin to experiencing it in real life, in those early formative years. The original memory will never be erased but the effects of it can be almost 100% mitigated with hypnotherapy.

Part 3 – Post-talk

After the hypnotherapy portion is over, we do a debrief of the session and can discuss questions that has come up for A during the session. However, I always recommend not consciously pick through the session too much. If that is something A would want, I recommend scheduling a session to talk through it once the integration of the new programming has finished.

It takes 10-12 days for the subconscious to integrate after the session and during this time it’s advised to let everything that came up in the session rest and solidify in order to not undo any of the reprogramming that took place. Once the integration is over it can be good to do a regular talk session for support on how to relate to what came up as well as how to implement further desired changes.

Written by Lisa Davidsson, Psychologist and Hypnotherapist